The (IN)complete guide to beatrice

So, you've decided to visit beatrice, NE for your own demented reasons (don't know why you would, but ok, I can live with that). Their are many things to see and do here, most of them are actually pretty boring after you have seen and done them a couple of times, but what the hell, you might not think so.

Mesuiems/Monuments

Yes, we actually do have these things, Their is the homestead national monument, located 4 miles north of beatrice on highway 4 (actually it's nothing more than a speed trap), and then their is a Mesuiems of sorts somewhere around 2nd and court (it's pretty obvious). These things are cool once or twice, but after that, quite dull.

Restaurants

Lots of choice here! I mean, you drive on sixth street form north to south, and hit Mr. Fried chicken (KFC), McDonald's, runza, a taco place, amagos, a Chinese restaurant, Burger King, and pizza hut. Not bad. If you go farther, and drive around a bit more, you can find another Chinese place, A kewl coffee shop, the black crow, country kooken, and another pizza place.

Banks

Yes, we have banks...dumb things anyway...

Police

What town would be complete without it's own set of hand crafted policemen? The main police station is located at 5th and ella, and we also have the state patrol at 6th and Linton (I belive (It's quite obvious)).

Entertainment

We have two movie theaters, both owned by the same guy (heh)...they are located across the street from each other at 6th and court. Their is also a local theater here! (Salvation!). it's right beside the police department...need I put the address?

The park

follow 6th street south till you cross the bridge, and then turn left...kewl hang out...

Bars

Got lots of em...god they suck

Notes on being here

Take these with a grain of salt(or a whole 5lb bag)...

+ Don't drive between 11:45, and 1:30 (lots of cops out)

+ Avoid driving at the end of the month (quotas)

+ Don't give the cops any reason to stop you...they are just as bored as you are, and will try to relive their boredom on you

+ Try to fit in

+ Note that nobody else does

+ Be friendly, curtious, and polite

+ Pretend to be a Christian(just like everybody else does!)

+ Don't let them know you are not from here (they hate outsiders)

+ Don't kill people here, but if you do, make sure to hide the body in a dumpser (I'm trying to raise the ratio of dumpsters with bodies in them)

+ If you see a little white mercury with lots of antennas on it driving around, let it do whatever it wants (even if it's iligial). This is me, and I learned to drive in new york, taught by a taxi driver...or, at least that's how I drive...to make it simple...give it right of way

+ If you see a little guy in a black trench coat walking across a busy street, ignore him...he doesn't exist...you won't hit him...(most likely)