SecondTripToFL4.html

I was right, not totaly but close enough. Spent the last hour with pink floyd cranked, trying to figure out a solution to this problem. I Can't, it's something I don't understand. I don't know enough about this sort of thing to do shit. Maby I'll get the hang of it one of these days. Probably not, I'm going to make some coffee...

Coffee is brewing, and I got a big bowl of baked beans. Boy am I going to be well liked tommorow when I have gasterous problems. Oh well, I was hungry and didn't want to bother to actualy cook anything. Just pop it in the microwave, then give myself cancer by eating it. Death would be welcomed anyway.

Heh, back to the topic at hand. This whole situation is so wierd/complex that I don't even think I could explain it to somebody even if I wanted to. So I'll just give a very simple/brief overview.

I don't know how to put it in simpler terms. I know this girl who I like (quite a bit), but don't know how she feels about me. It's a tossup between two cases. Either way I go I'm fucked. Being in a relationship would be impossible with the current situation. She lives over 1500 miles away from me. Being her big brother doesn't seem to be working very well either. She has made some realy bad decisions in life, and has a few problems to deal with. But she doesn't seem to want help. I know for a fact that nobody can realy help her anyway, unless she wants them to be fixed. So, nothing can be done.

This leads us into the real problem. How do you help somebody who doesn't want it? You can't. It's impossible. So, all I can do is sit back, and watch her tear herself appart. Not a pretty sight, or an easy thing to do. It hurts me so to see this happen, but I'd rather see what's actualy happening than not know at all though. To be ignorent of the facts discusts me. Except in a few cases. But I'm not going to get into the dynamics of that at the moment. It's enough to write a whole freaking book on.

I've been told by a myrad of pysc type people that I think to much. How can thinking too much be a bad thing? I've never understood that sort of thing. What does it mean? Does it mean that the internal wireing of my brain is somehow messed up in a preverse way? Makes me realy wonder about things sometimes.

Sit and watch. It's all I'm realy able to do in this situation. Pisses me of to no end. I want so much to be of aide, but can't see how. All my schemes, and plans won't realy help. After quite a bit of thought, they would probably just make matters worse. I so much wish I was wrong on this sort of thing once in a while. But, what I know to be right is. Hmm, now I feel like I'm getting some sort of god complex. Oh well, that's probably pretty natural for somebody in my position. The helpless god.

More mail, more mail, more mail! And the luser had it encoded in mime! What kind of sick fuck would encode an email in mime?! Unless of course it was an attaced binary file (8 bit), since email can only handle 7 bit files. But, pure text is 7 bit! Oh well, I just delete crap like that, it's even more offensive than some luser sending me an email in HTML. Not everybody uses a fucking web browser to read their mail. Some of us use a good old unix shell...like everybody else sould be forced to. (I've definitly got strong convictions today).

Hyperdrive!

This is all swinging out of preportion like ususal. Oh well, it will get better, I know it well. One day she will realize this. One day she will realize what she is to me. That's a day I both fear, and long for.

Not to mention that it seems like every girl I know seems to have had a rough day yesterday. Donna got dumped, delphi got dumped, others also. Not to mention the realy strange dream I had before I woke up. Or, more accurately as I was in the process of wakeing up.

It was totaly messed up, I could have sworn that people where in the house that wherent. When I woke up, I didn't realize it was just a dream, and went looking for one of them. This scared the hell out of one of my roomates (the one who was awake). The content of the dream is of a resque nature, and thusly won't be posted here on the net for everybody to see. Nothing bad happend in it, but thier was a realy strong inuendo of such activitys.

EOF