Well, the worst possible situation that I could possibly think of has happend. Hmm, well not the worst. I could think of a lot worse things that could have happend. But this is very close.

Ok, first well look at the things that could have happend

Parents walk in during sex

Well, actualy that's about all I can think of.

Where luckey she's still alive. I can't belive that something like this would happen. I don't even know where to start. Hmm, now I'm just filling space.

For some odd reason, aqua doesn't fit the mood for this file...switching to NIN.

I never want anything like this to happen again. It hurts to think about it. Makes me wish I could have kept it from happening, but the sad truth hits. I could have done nothing. Well, not nothing, but it might was well be nothing. Due to how much trouble the 'solution' would cause. It wouldn't be right, and it would cause *LOTS* more other problems. Rant, rant rant. She seems to have learned a valuible lesson. Never mix drugs, and never use them in a place your not 100% happy in. Can cause major problems. Has caused major problems. For her, and myself. For some reason or another, I'm the one she talks to about all of her problems. I wish I knew why. But, I'm not saying I don't like it. It make me feel inportant. Like I'm actualy doing something with my life. I hope that I can continue to be of aid. She's worth every bit of trouble to me. I care for her very deeply, care enough to let her make her own mistakes. For, holding her back would truely hurt her in the end. She's very much like me in many ways. Most notably in how stubbern she is, has to learn the hard way. But she does learn. Just gets a few bruses here and there on the way. Well worth the end result. It's the same way I learned most everything. And, sometimes it hurt a *LOT*. I think I'm a better person now because of it though. As she is becoming. Knowing what happens when you fuck up. Seeing the results first hand. It's not the kind of thing you can learn from a textbook, or somebody telling you. You have to do it yourself. And, not die in the process. She came close this last time, but one of her friends helped her out. I thank whatever sort of 'god' for her friend. Without her, I don't even want to think about what would have happend. Brings me to tears.

I've spent some time thinking about what I wanted to write in this file, but it was all for not. It didn't help. When I actualy warmed up emacs to start typeing all my thoughts where lost. Only to return after I finish. Happens all the time. Even when writeing here, I sometimes have a hard time saying what I realy want to (or think I want to).

Happyness in slavery. It can be found.

The other part that disturbes me, and causes me to wonder is the 3 strikes. I don't want her to be restricted. She needs freedom. I'm glad that her gfiles where not under scrutiny as the rest of the page was. Had her patch it up pretty good today. Should stop anybody who doesn't read the code, or use lynx. The people who we want to keep out do neither. They just aren't savvy enough. Probably never will be either.

I try very hard to give the best advice I can. It may not be exactly appropriate, but I'd rather give advice I know she can follow, than things I wouldn't expect of myself. It comes to a happy medium. Quite often she follows it, sometimes not. But at least I'm trying, all I can do. I'm an observer, it's in my blood to do this sort of thing. In some ways, I get a wierd kick out of knowing everything. Not shure why. But not just with her, with anybody. I know way too much about everybody. I know that my neibor likes to sleep around. She likes to call her 'boyfriends' up late at night and talk for hours about pointless shit. I know that the girl on the side of the house recently started fuckig her boyfriend. The guy across the street questions himself a lot. The old lady caddy corner spends way too much time talking to the guy who mows lawns. And, the other caddy corner neibor by the church doesn't use the phone much at all, if ever. I could tell you things about yourself that you probably don't think anybody knows. But, I won't. Not very likely anyway. I keep most of these things to myself. No idea why. Probably because if people knew how much I realy knew about them that they would be scared of me. I know that my little sister has given severl blowjobs to about 3 diffrent guys, but only fucked one. I can tell you exactly where this guy lives. Describe his bedroom in near perfect clarity. I could go on about what my parents say behind each others backs to thier friends. With my scanner, I can listen to pretty much any phone I want to since 90% of the population uses cordless. And, for the other 10%, and I have adapters, and cables that I can pipe directly into telco boxes. Stick a transmitter on the side of thier house (24 hour battery life), half mile range. It's all too easy. I can tap into thier computers, and listen. Watch them as they move about. Look into thier eyes, and see what's realy going on inside thier heads. It scares the hell out of me. What have I become? I spend a lot of my life just watching everybody else. Most often when they don't know it. It's not for some strange sexual kick, it's just because it helps me to understand how 'normal' people work. It helps me to help others. Lets me see into peoples minds better than I could if they knew I was watching.

I'm tired, but I'm not tired. All at the same time. I'm in the sort of limbo that I've become quite accustom to. It's the time when I do my best work. When I can pay attention to a single thing for hours on end, without notcing time go by. Without watching the clock. Makes me quite happy. Watching the clock is a bad thing. I learned not to do it realy quick when I was a security guard. Stand in one place for 12 hours. If you keep checking your watch, it takes forever. But, if you just stand there, and let your mind wander, but still pay enough attention to do you job, then the time just flys by.

Next CD, not shure what album, but it starts with piggy (probbably downward spral). NIN rocks. Makes me feel real, makes me cry, makes me feel joy. Music controls my emotional state quite a bit. More than I like. I can be in the best of moods, then some song that makes me sad plays, and I start crying out of nowhere. It can change the other way just as easily though. One of the reasons I don't listen to the radio much. And, keep the remote close when watching MVT.

I'm thinking of makeing my way up to the olug (omaha linux users group) at some point in time. Seems interesting to say the least.

Sleep has finaly got to me, not to mention the problems I'm having with my bowls. So, I'm going to take off. See you in the next issue.

EOF