Well, I just got done working 4-close at pizza hut in beatrice, and to put it miledly, they are totaly fucked up. God they suck, the manager is a fucking sico, and should be shot. He offered to buy my little sister condoms. Fucking sick, I wanted to beat him down on the spot...but I'm too nice to do that sort of thing...may not stop me later though. It was like working with fucking retartds...but at least retards have a fucking excuse for being dumb...god they suck...Most of the time I was there, I was trying to figure out a quick way to commit suicide, for that would have been better than being there. I wanted to bend them over, and fuck them up the ass with a broom...they sucked that bad...The fucking manager would not let me smoke...well, he let me...once every four fucking hours...then he got mad when I didn't hypersuck it down. Fucking pissed me off...I was almost to the point of saying "fuck you, I'm going to smoke, if you don't let me, I'm leaving right now"...but I'm not that type of person, so I couldn't do that...After about the first hour, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to quit on the spot so I woudln't have to deal with thier fucking stupidity. Fucking idiots, I hate them. But I've come to the conclusion, that I can't do that. What I'm planning now, is to leave my uniform in front of the back door, with a note ducktaped to it, probably some sort of poem (since I can't stop them from forming in my head now). Then just never show back up. I don't know what to do now. I can't get anything done in this godfosacan town. For some reason that I cannnot fathom, I owe the fone co 375, the gas co 98, and a few other places large summs of money. I don't understand this. I also have a collection agency on my ass...I want to kill them very much. I went into the colection agency today to get answers to why I owe the fone co money...but they told me that I was not allowd to be in there, so I said fuck you then, and left. The fone co would not tell my why, they said "we turned you over to the collection agency, so go through them"...What am I to do? I don't fucking have a clue. I'm going back to the collacting agency tommorow, and if they tell me to leave, I'm going to tell them to fuck off, and I want some fucking answers, or I start getting crazy...They realy don't want to piss me off much more than they already have. I mean, that's fucking dangerous...I've come very close to blowing up in there several times, but logic prevaled, and I stoped it just after I started to. Next time they might not be so luckey, plus that list of everything I've ever done that they have, I want that, the don't deserve to know that information...but, the only way to realy keep the information from them, is to kill them, since some of them have probably read it, or helped compile it. It's fucking insane...I don't know why I even came back to this fucking town. Since I fucking owe the gas company money, I have to take cold showers...I hate cold showers with a passion, it just adds to my anger...This can't last for much longer though, I'm going to snap at some point...soon I think...If I do, what does it realy matter, life can't get more fucked up that it already is...After I got home, I sat in my car for about half an hour thinking of where I can go, but I can't go anywhere, I'm fucking broke, I can't even afford to get my oil changed, or a new pair of boots (my current pair is almost dead)..."Put my faith in god, and my trust in you, now, thier's nothing more fucked up I can do, I'm the one without a sole, nothing but a big fucking hole..." -nin I hatemyself, and want to die. or, maby not, I just hate most everybody else. I wish I had some sort of automatic weapon. Oh, intereestingly enough, I was reading a paper earler today, and they where talking about employers seeing dangerous people (the kind that go postal), and it said anyone that has thier own point of view should be watched very closely...this is totaly fucked up, all our fucking goverment wants if mindless zombies...they are easy to control, they don't ask questions, and let the polotiticions get fucking fat off eating them (figurtievly). Why the hell is everyone on beatrice stuck on this anti-smokeing kick...pisses me off to no end...I know it's going to kill me (or, that's what they try to make us belive), but I want to do it...It's one of my rights...Why am I in this town...I don't realy know anybody here, And most of the ones I do, if I never saw them again, I wouldn't mind at all...Thier are a few that I consider freinds, not many...very few actualy...In all reality, I have only a few good freinds...everybody else is just senery. I hope y2k causes lots of problems, I wish it to destroy secoiety as it is today...it sucks...
Make it go away I can't stay Just no way Starting to fray I can't come back on the wrong track Makes me cry want to die let me fry then I'll sigh Want to take a drive Want to feel alive But I can't Just rant Please kill me now I don't care how make it fun you've won Should I just quit maby throw a fit Go crazy and kill Just for the thrill Should I just quit or hang on for a bit Just sit and stare Just not care Should I just quit Maby use my wit Disapear tonnight just ignore the fight Should I just quit give my neck a slit make it all go away don't need it anyway Should I just quit do I realy give a shit They will burn in hell many times they fell Should I just quit At this point I just don't know Not shure if I care I want to die be fun to fry get hit by lightning not that frightning maby go out with a crash take my car, and *SMASH* get hit by a train not very much pain Shotgun to my brain then let it drain at work, slit my wrist oh god, they'd be pissed Swallow lots of pills I know that kills I want to die makes me cry I lie in my bed wet Water in the carpet yet I sleep on the floor I'm that fucking poor In a stolen sleeping bag At this point, almost a rag Life is such a drag I know I'm an art fag I simply sit and wright barely put up a fight I know what's right stay up all night Comes out so clear I need more beer But it dosn't help me what will, I can't see But, In the bottle I hide lots of things I've tried I know it dosn't help Don't know what will help I quote nine inch nailes Listen to his whales Think about what he sings and lots of bells it rings I feel quite the same I know it's quite lame Haven't eaten in many days trying to die in many ways I sit and pout "I want out!" They make everything into a game Fuck them up the ass, it's lame I want you to take me I want you to break me I want you to throw me away In this place I just can't stay In my anger I swirel Makes emotions whirl I'm going to snap Don't give a crap Just don't care anymore My rear is sore can't take it anymore Up the ass they fuck me Don't understand me They don't care that they tear holes in my mind Why, I'll never find Make me go crazy Make me kina lazy Wish thier was something real Wish thier was somethng I could feel Other than suffering and pain It's waxed, when will it wain I have lots of toys but no more joys It is just stuff All total fluff What does matter mabe idle chatter probably not happens alot People realy suck no such thing as luck spend thier lives on the fone should get a life of their own Complain about things have pointless flings I want to I can't do I want to I can't do I want to I can't do I want to I can't do Not much I can do Makes me feel blue Help I could search answers it could purge This is the first day of my last day Few I can trust More that I must Faith I have lost But at what cost want to kill be a thrill I'd Like to maim Players of the game Engulf them in flame little will remain I think they have won Makes me try to run Where to go I don't know I've had a lot to drink Lots of time to think Got myself an usi feeling a bit woozie You had better figure I'm ready to pull the trigger You don't think a bit make me throw a fit and I won't quit The fuse is lit You will get hit I assure you of it And, when I leave I will not greae I will join a band and roam the land