Well, 1.5 weeks left...almost done...they are trying to convence me to stay, I'm half tempted to...not shure though...a couple of the waitstaff are trying to hook me up with somebody, so that I will want to stay...I'm not shure what to think about that...in a way, pretty cool...it means that they realy like me...I like that, but it's kina wierd at the same time...I'm not shure what to think of it...Still all pretty wierd...I got off work...or, should I say clocked out an hour ago, then I was hanging around in the back wating for my supper, so I started helping jack close...so I got another hour in...off the clock...hell it's all the same to me...The girl they hooked me up with is not my first choice, but far from my last...I like her...realy nice girl...but thiers another one I've had my eye on...but she's just easy on the eyes...Karla is the one they hooked me up with...and emmely is the attractive one...but both of those relationships would be imposible...if not just for the reason of being impractacal...Even though I have friends here, I'm still pretty fucking lonely...nobody to talk to about stuff that matters, no fucking internet access...I think that that's the worst part of it...I'm tired, and lonely...it's sad, but life will go on...when I get back to nebraska, it probably won't change much...I'll be just as tired, and lonely...at least I will have a steady place to stay there, and internet access...that will help me deal with the lonelyness...being tired is just an annoyance...danm I miss the internet...I'm having withdrawl of sorts...I want to call auriel...but it's almost midnight there, and that would just be rude...she's one of the few real friends I have at the moment...a person who actualy takes an intrest in things that are going on in life...the guys here at pizza hut are great and all, but more just people I happen to work with, and hence get along with well...more of aquantices...I realy wish I knew what to do...I have been thinking about going back to collage, but I don't know if that's what I should realy be doing...I can't work at pizza hut all my life...And if things can't get worse, I am in terible need of some dental work, but I can't afford that, so I have this constant pain in my mouth...it drives me crazy...and dosn't go away...taking ibprofen helps for a little while...but I don't want to live off of that stuff...right now it's hurting like a bitch...I think I'm going crazy...I mean, just look at my life, I smoke a lot, am 21, work at pizza hut, sleep anywhere that has a plcae on the floor, and my best friends range from the age of 14 to 20...sometimes, I'm not even shure where I'm sleeping...Havent had much in the way of dreams recently, and also not much in the way of hopes, or asperations...I should probably have those kinds of things...but I just don't seem to be able to figure out what they should be...I might just not have enough enthousasim for that...or I just havent found what I should be doing yet...Sometimes I feel like my world is going to fall appart...other times it seems perfect...a litle too perfect...but it's realy hard to tell...

Welcome to my world/I see you!
------------------------------
to my world I welcome you
for whom do I owe this pleasure
watched for how long have you
is thier some way to measure

why do you watch
why do you wait
waiting for me to botch
wating for me to deflate

I ponder this thought
I debate for hours on end
the torment it has wrought
the energy I had to spend

what will become of it
what is the point
is it worth the effort
is thier a point

for this I wait to see
I also watch and wait
you are not that diffrent than me
sometimes it can be great


Full bearded guy
`=------------='

The guy over at the other table
he has a full beard because he is able
he wears this old comando hat
and he's even pretty fat

the cigerete he smokes
taking very large tokes
talking to the other
kina like a brother

constantly shifting
the cigerete is lifting
siting and staring
at the cloths I am wearing

never changed out
from the cloths
from the hutt
little woes


The bloody wait
}-=-=-=-=-=-=-{

that danm wait
not that great
coffee cold
found mold
under the seat
a nasty treat


Cheap thrills
__---\_/---__

cheap thrills
in the back of my car
oh, how fine they are
cheap thrills
in my back seat
that can't be beat

I need em
I love em
cheap thrills


why
\_/

why do I search
why do I wait
why do I sit
why do I stare
why do I think
why do I bother
why do I contine
what is thier to do
what is thier to see
what is thier to find
what is thier here
what is thier elsewhere
what is thier to be
what is thier left
what is thier for me


The watcher
)---------(

I watch and wait
I stay up late
I search out
ususaly with doubt

I wonder why
makes me cry
want to die
time goes by

it continues on
is it wrong
should I watch
should I wait

time flies
time crawls
hope jumps
hope falls

never shure
what to do
if I where
I would have you

but if I had you
then I would be done
what else would I do
might actualy have won

I think I'm actualy getting pretty good at this whole poetry thing...kina weird...but so am I...I'm noticeing a trend in my poems...pretty ovious, or at least is to me...and will probably be to pretty much anybody...if they know me well enough...Lucley I am a patent person, very patent, most of the time...and with things that realy matter...some things realy do matter...not that many ususaly, but a few...Hmm, they have a jutebox here...didn't notice that ever before...might look for a good song on it...and spend money I don't realy have to spend...but that's what I do a lot of the time...It's now midnight, i've been sitting here for about 2 hours...siting here, writing, and smoking...rather boring...I'm also running things through my mind...odd things...right now I wish I had a place to call home...the only home I have right now is my car...and that's not much of a home...just recently had a person come up, and gawk at my notebook...told him about my religion...er...linux...same thing realy...and he asked if the girl (whom I have a picture up on the dispaly) was my girlfriend, and the only thing I could say was, er, kinda, or at least I hope so...I don't know though...It's hard to tell sometimes...if nothing else, she is one of my best friends, and I wouldn't give that up for anything...God the wait I have tonnite sucks...she sucks realy bad too...I need coffee danmit...I wish I knew what I want out of life...Maby a home, a wife, and a family...but that's not for now...that's for much later down the road...many years I will travel before I hit that point...that much I know...right now I just think I'm realy tired, and should get some sleep...tired and lonely...that's my normal operating peramaters...I hope I can change that in the future...Bitch...fucking wait...she has yet to fill my coffee...fucking wait...it's realy starting to piss me off a lot...she's just kina ignoring me...I hate when they do that...fuck I'm just going to leave, and she gets a tip of like 2 cents...that should serve her right...fuck her...EOF