In this issue thier is little to talk about. Hmm, little that matters anyway.

I think I want to start going to the rockey horor picture show again. You know, on a regular basis. Maby I can pick up girls there ;) Hmm, ones that won't be scared off my my looks! Heh, nah. Anyone who goes to that sort of thing must be a twisted pervert. Hmm, just my type.

I'm into highly offensive music again, seem to be getting some preverse pleasure from it. Hmm, remdinds me of my Frank Zappa phase. While being a good artist, I was mostly interested in his music due to how offensive it was. One good way to turn heads while driving down the street. Lines like "Why does it hurt when I pee?", and "My balls feel like a pair of maracas." Heh, or don't forgit "He's so gay, he's so gay..." Hehe, that's some wierd shit.

Buttermilk busicits. Hmm, yum. Strange song by 'Sir Mix a Lot'. Not what I would consider normal for him. Hmm, is it even rap? And, what is a mud duck? I can assume nothing good. Why would someone write an entire song about how much he loves buttermilk buiscits?

Speaking of buiscits, thier was once the busicit experience. Several friends and I where at mike's house. Playing video games, and watching movies. Someone notes that they are hungry, others ammend. Geofry is then sent to make some buiscuits for everyone.

Shortly everyone has a huge plate full of buiscits. I'd say a can per person. Danm where they good though :) Heh, his parents wheren't too happy in the morning, Geofry had cooked *ALL* the buiscits in the house. LOL

That was back in the day. Back when I worked at the theatre, and worked on lower than B rated films. I miss those days, lots of fun people, lots of fun times. Hmm, and that one girl. Oh well, it was never ment to work out anyway...

Now I live in a bombshelter with a family that loves me, have a good job that's very stressfull, and make pretty good money. Heh, a far cry from where I was back then. Back then I was broke. Do you know what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from? Didn't think so. Also, have you ever slept in the back of a van in the dead of winter? Freezing cold, but having nowhere else to go? Trust me, it's not fun. I've been to hell and back.

One hundred miles left in a trip, the fuel gauge is on empty. No money save for a handfull of change. That's the ride of a lifetime. heh, not to mention the van I was in got 15 miles to the gallon if I was luckey. I'm still not sure exactly how I made it back. Ran out of gas right in front of my frinds house too. I miss him, I mis the whole family.

Living in the past won't help me though. No real benifit to it but get me all teary eyed. Probably not the best thing when in a public place. Hmm, men arn't supposto cry? Huh, whoever said that is an asshole. Thier is nothing wrong with crying. Some things are worth all of it, every last drop. It holds a meaning that is very hard to explain.

CIA, MTV, CNN, NPO, ATT, FBI...

That reminds me of another time. Working at a truck stop as a wait, trying to earn enough money just to keep myself fed. It was my second, or third day there and we got rushed. A 2:00am rush, totaly unexpected. We had two waits, and the other one doubled as a cashier.

Needless to say it was a madhouse. It took nearly an hour and a half for people to get their food by the end of the rush. At the peak it became so overwelming for me that I just broke down crying when somebody yelled at me. I tried my best to hide it, but thier was little point. The person who did the yelling calmed down very quickly and tipped me *very* well. Hmm, I made more in tips that night than the entire time I worked at that truckstop.

I didn't work there more than a week.

Living rock bottom, scraping for every cent isn't really that bad. It's just annoying more than anything else. You have some free time, and if you fuck up it doesn't really matter in the big picture. As oposed to where I currently am, one major fuckup, and my lifestyle hits a major change. Heh, most people in the US live two paychecks from poverty. I think this is about right. Espicaly with credit cards being so common. Heh, but if someone really needs the cash, they can find work.

This is one of the reasons why I have no pitty for the homeless. Thier are pleanty of ways to get cash. Even if it means selling your body for sex. Not a big deal, just don't make it a habbit.

I'm also under the impression that people just get usto being in those sorts of situations, they get suck. Not really comfterble to move up, or down in the social lader. I have no pitty for them, it's thier own goddam fault. If they wanted out they would find a way. Being a drug addict is no excuse. They arn't *that* powerfull. The human mind is a curious thing, able to deal with most anything.

But who has the self control to do this anymore? I'd like to say I do, but I'd be lying. Some things are easy to deal with. Pain, just block it out. Bored, find something to do. Tired, just ignore it. Hunger, takes about a month to starve to death. That's pleanty of time to find a meal.

The world still turns, don't kid yourself. You are not at all inportant. It may seem so, but that's only a blink of the eye. At least from a better prespective. If nothing else, the human race can't live forver. Not hardly, even if they tried. Eventualy the universe will cease to support any life. Granted that gives them several trilion years...maby if they can prefect fission...

I feel like I'm dying again. This whole throwing up every other night is for the birds. I think i've got something. Hmm, but this has been going on for weeks, if not months. Constantly being on the verge of just lousing everything in my belly is not pleasing. Espicaly after I've eaten a very good meal. Just like now. Hmm, but it happens.

I'm going to go home and be pathetic.

EOF