It's the begining of a new day, the sun has just begin to rise. But nothing is any diffrent from yesterday. Nor the day before. It's been like this for quite a while now.

I wake up, and I have no ambitions, few dreams. The dreams I do have I know I can't reach. Life is just a long wait, waiting for the final curtan call to come. Maby things will change, maby not. Too bad I already know the answer to this question. They will change, they will change before too long now.

It will be a new begining, the storyline has already been told. I've done it enough times already, what's one more? Maby it will work this time. This limbo that I'm in is driving me mad. Lack of socal contact is what I wished for untill I got it. Now I'm a bit off, and have a hard time dealing with living, breathing people.

The mere thought of talking to somebody in person makes me feel edgiy. I have some needs that arn't being fullfilled. I don't remember what comes next. I just can't seem to grasp how it all works. I've been thinking quite a bit about the problem lately. I just don't get it. It's probably something so simple, I'll smack myself quite hard once I do grasp the idea.

Why people do the things they do.

The theroy I've come up with, but realy doesn't seem to hold much water...

They carry on with thier pitiful lives in hopes that it gets better one day, knowing deep inside that it won't. Even when it does get 'better' it doesn't. Just as the cost of living stays perportionate to a person's income. They just can't seem to ever have enough. Constantly needing more money, faster cars, better food. The insanity never ends.

The theroy is more complicated than that, but I don't feel like writing a book today. In contrast is religion, what better way to control the people than to tell them that if they are bad that they will go to a place, and burn forever. It's just a good way to do it. Wonderfly powerfull that form of mind control is. And these people who spent so much time learning about it are compelled to teach it to others. Sounds like the old programers atage. "If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read." Ignore the fact that the two don't nessasarly coincide very well, but it works for an anology.

If thier is a new way, I'll be the first in line. But it better work this time (megadeth). This is true for some people, the rebelus types. But it doesn't last long. Eventualy secoiety breaks them down intill they are just like everybody else. Heh, it doesn't happen at one shot either, it happens in little, very subtle ways. The rebel doesn't even notice it's happening till one day they wake up, and realize that thier wearing a 3 piece suit, and going to a meeting on a friday night to impress some bigwigs. At that point they realy can't do much about it, and resinged to thier fate they carry on with thier pitiful lives hopeing it will get better. This is the point where most people have a sort of 'mid life crisis' or whatever.

Who knows if my theroy is right, it's probably not. I've been told I think to much, is that a bad thing?

Thank you for reading this far! I'm impressed, you get a cookie.

Headache, the problem I'm currently afflicted with. That, and trouble getting down the Ibuprofen. For some odd reason I was just gaging on it. Though that was probably due to takeing it with cold coffee ;)

I had adam install FreeBSD on my monorail last week. But due to the drive being shot to hell, it didn't exactly work very well. So it sits on my desk being a paperweight, still at the emergency holographic terminal waiting for me to run fsck for the 1000th time. I got the impression that it's not helping. The real question comes down to weither I replace the drive, or just sell the unit. I have no money at the moment, so getting a new drive is out of the question. But I also don't want to just get rid of it either. Mostly due to the sexy flatscreen monitor it has.

Rewinding the tape in the deck. In hopes of getting some sort of satisfaction from hearing the last few songs again. Wow, perfect timeing on hitting play. The music gives me some sort of hope, or maby it just fules what ailes me. I'm not shure which yet.

The only thing I know for shure about this tape, is it's rather good for skateboarding. Nicely upbeat, but still depressing as hell. Makes me either sad, or pissed. Oddly enough, most the music I have does one or the other of the above options. Very little happy music in my colection.

Tales of woe, and distrust. I know why the media likes to play up terrible events that happen. Suffering sells.

Have you ever thought about the fact that thier is almost no land on this planet that's not owned by someone? The days of explorers in the traditional sence are pretty much over with now. Kina depressing isn't it?

I noticed that we are out of coffee today, that means I'll have to choose betteen buying smokes or coffee. This is a very tough decision for me, due to being addicted to nicotine, and caffine.

I'm going nowhere.