Sitting alone in his room he lights a cigerete. Slowly realizing where he is. He logs onto the server at work, new mail. Only a couple hundred messages this time. Must have been a slow day.

Four cigeretes later he's read everything. Boring day, nothing new. Thier is a T1 down. Nothing more than an anoyance, he knows clients will be calling up pissed due to this. No big deal, he's usto it. He takes a lot of shit.

It takes him nearly an hour to become fully aware of his enviorment. Stumbling to find his beat up combat boots he sets the couch on fire. If he wasn't already going to be late he may have done a better job of putting it out.

The long commute to work was almost too much for him today. He knew what was going to happen. Walk in, and everything was broken again. It was a monday after all. Old ladies who know nothing about how these things work explaining how crappy thier service was. Young kids calling in because they can't get thier porn. Yep, the usual. Just another day for our friend.

He pops a CD in the cars player. The same CD that he's listend to on the way to work for the last three months. Every day the same one. Sure he's tried a few others, but it wasn't the same. It has to be that one CD. Nothing else would do.

As he passes the first curve track 3 starts up. Just like it does every time. At the highway track 5. You could run a clock by this guy. When he gets into town track 9 is stuck on auto repeat till he hits that one road. From there it's a straight shot to the office. It also means the CD can continue.

The timeing was off today. Road work ahead signs shown before him. This ment only one thing to our friend. Even later than usual. Lately he'd been coming in just in the nick of time. Not the same as when he started. Back then he was quite early every time. Not anymore.

Only late by ten minuits he was still in a panic. He'd feared for his job the last month or so. No real reason at all. "Today would be diffrent" he thought. Something in the air about it.

Logging onto a terminal he quickly got to work. Calling up people who owed the company money. He had to be so nice, and friendly during the calls it made him sick. When what was really going through his mind was more on the lines of "You stupid bitch, pay that 40$, or we are going to fucking sick collections on you. You worthless piece of shit!". Thinking of such things helped keep him sane. Or so he thought.

That was only a small part of his job though. The rest of the time he helped people set thier computers up for the internet. Mostly it was pretty easy. But thier where the calls that he dreaded. The ones who called up just to ruin his day. People could tell he was getting tiered of it. This was one of those calls...

"Internet helpdesk, how can I help you." he said with a bit too much energy.

"Is your server down?"

"No, what's the problem?"

"When I try to connect, it says thier is no dialtone. Did you shut my service off?"

"Lemme get your username, and I'll check." He adds almost as an afterthought.

"You mean my password? It's RxTrqXc"

"No, No! Your username. Never give out your password."

"Uhh, where do I get that?"

"What's your email address?"

"samdavis@hotmail.com"

"Hmm, no your email address with us..."

"I don't think I know that, how do I find out?"

"Ok, ok. We will do this a diffrent way. What's your phone number?"

"555-2121"

"Hold on a sec while I pull this up...hmm, nothing on our records for that number. Has it been changed recently?"

"Well, we got a second line installed for the internet, and that's the number the computer is on."

"What's your voice number?"

"Oh, 555-8340"

"Searching...Found it. Sam Davis, nope. Your accounts still active."

"They why do I get a 'no dialtone'?"

"Is the modem plugged into the phone line?"

"I have no idea, should I check?"

"That would be nice..."

"No, it's not. Which hole does it go into?"

"Either one should work, just plug it back in, and try it."

"It doesn't fit!"

"Is it too small?"

"Yah, it doesn't seem to go in very well. It comes out again."

"That's an ethernet port. Not a modem port. Plug it into the *MODEM* port."

"Got it, now it fits."

"Ok, try and get online."

"How do I do that?"

"Double click on the big blue e..."

"Oh, that's right! It says 'no dialtone' again. Are you sure your server's not down?"

"Sir, to put it in terms you can understand...The lights on it are blinking. If they don't blink its bad. but, if they are blinking, it's ok."

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid!"

"Ahh, my fault totaly. Plug the phone line into the other hole. The one right beside where it is now."

"If you say so..."

"mmmm"

"It works!!!! How did you know how to do that?"

"Well, have a good day sir."

*CLICK*

Again the item of his hatred rings. Another moron on the line. This one better be easy.

"Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?" again with far to much energy.

"I got question for you. What is cookies?"

"Cookies? Oh they are tasty! I enjoy peanut butter ones myself."

"You pulling my leg?"

"Sir, it's been a long day. Cookies can be saftly ignored. Pretend they are treats for your computer."

"Keep getting cookies ad.doubleclick.com. Who doubleclick?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Who doubleclick!!!!"

"Sir, it's not a problem. This is normal."

"Yes"

*CLICK*

It happens again...

"Internet helpdesk, what ya want?"

"I want you to stop sending spam to my mailbox! Fucking take me off your spam lists! Do it now!"

"Spam lists sir? We do not spam our clients..."

"You sure as hell do. That goddam newsletter you send out every month. Nothing but nazi propaganda! Not to mention that accounts shit. I've had enough of it. Take me off your goddam spam list now!"

"Sir, I can take you off the montly newsletter, but the accounts information is very inportant. I can't take you off that. It's needed for billing."

"But I pay every month! You don't need to send that shit to me. It fills up my mailbox!"

"Sir, accounts only emails you once a month."

"So, I don't want it!"

"I can't help you here."

"Fuck you, I'm going to drop my service if you don't take me off your spam list!"

"That's your choice sir."

"Fuck you!" Then the client slammed the phone down.

Needless to say this was not expected. Never had our friend recived a client upset about such a stupid thing before. Hmm, that's not really true. They are all idiots... In his mind anyway.

Several hours later was when it hit. The one call that ends all other calls.

"Internet helpdesk, can't connect right?"

"Well, yes. My stores keep getting kicked off. What's the problem?"

"Hmm, gimmie your username."

"I don't know that! I never even use the danmed thing."

"Ok, who's the billing sent to?"

"I'm Jacob Mathews! You know, the guy who ownes all those fast food resturants..."

"Oh, lemme pull this up."

"Hmm, according to my logs that account has been logged off due to mulitipul connections."

"What's that mean?"

"According to our service agreement, you can only be connected to the internet with one machine at a time. From the looks of this your trying to connect somewhere near fifty..."

"I pay my twenty dollars a month, and expect better service than this!"

"Sir, if your going to have more than one machine connected at once, your going to have to get more accounts."

"Why would I do that? It is unlimited, isn't it!?"

"Well, yes. But thier are some limitations to the term 'unlimited'. They are all printed out very clearly in the contract that was sent out to you."

"If you keep disconecting my stores like this, I'm going to take my buisness somewhere else."

"That's your choice sir."

"What!!? You sissy! Your not even going to try and keep me as a client?"

"Personaly, I don't care."

"Danm sissy."

At this our friend slams the phone down. He's had enough of this crap. How can someone be so cheap?

Moments later the phone rings again, but this time the next guy over gets it. Whoever it was asked to speak to the manager. Our friend listens as best he can.

"You called one of my techs a sissy?"

...

"Well, I would have hung up on you too!"

...

"No sir, I'm not going to fire him. He's one of our best techs. Sir, stop yelling."

...

"Sir, calm down. Fine sir, if that's the way you want it."

The manager puts the phone down, a smirk on his face. A few keystrokes later that user that user is subscribed to several dozen high traffic mailing lists.

'Serves him right' our friend thinks as he walks out the door. He's had enough of dealing with these people. More than enough.

EOF