How to get laid...for anybody

Well, since you have read this far, you might as well know right off, as to not be disapointed later on...This entire file is realy a bad joke. If it offends you, stop reading it. If after reading this, you think that I'm some sort of imoral bastard who should be shot, you only have yourself to blame...since you read this warning. Ok, enough about how terribly bad this file is...

This file will be presented from the viewpoint of a male, and anything herein can be easly modified for a female, for the most part.

First off, you must be able to have an erection. You may think, yah, I masterbate all the time...but, how long can you actualy keep it up? Most males masterbate for the entire pourpuse of getting off as quickly as possible. This doesn't teach stanima at all.

So, step one would be to teach youself how to properly maintain an erection for long periods of time. 30 minuits is not bad, but shoot for an hour or two if you can. (it can be done)

Next, I will explain who you can have sex with, and where to find them (most of the details of this are left up to you)

1. Normal girls

Decription:Normal girls are within a couple years of your age either way. They don't have wierd features, like a missing leg, or an extra arm. Also noted, that they should never have a third breast (it's rather odd, and should be passed by).

Where to find:They ususaly hang out anywhere that anyone else would. Try bars, school, the park, wherever.

Why:Because this is what a normal properly adjusted male does

How:Get her alone, and ya know...(actualy the editor speaks with little experience on this subject!) Also, never try to force sex on them, can be disasterous.

2. Girls between 15, and 18

Decription:Pretty ovious, they come in all colors, and various heights.

Where to find:Fast food places, crusing, HighSchool, Malls

Why:They tend to be quite attractive, and reasonably clean.

How:I don't suggest it, unless they look slutty...not worth your time otherwise.

3. Girls between 11, and 14

Decription:Short, spunky, and tight.

Where to find:parks, MiddleSchool, Malls, Chillen with da 'rents, wandering around on bikes

Why:Thier tight man!, Also, they tend to be virgens. Not to mention how friendly they are ;)

How:Your desprate, arn't you? If you have to hit this section, you'd have to be. But, that's ok. This is one of the easy ranges. Just get 'em curious about ya, and the rest is history. They will look at you like some sort of god, if you intrest them enough ;)

4. Girls between 6, and 10

Decription:Little kids, duh!

Where to find:Playing at the park, riding thier bigwheel, ElementrySchool, or Kindergarden

Why:Can I say, realy fucking tight, I mean, tighter than you can ever belive. Also, they are almost all virgins...unless someone else beat you to it. And, realy...yer doing the girl a favor...at 16 or so when all her frineds are braging about when they lost thier virginity at 15, she can say "I lost mine at 7"...

How:Danm, you must suck if you have to resort to this! The easyest way, is to just go to the local school, and pick one up. Thier small, and easy to cary. Fit in a suitcase rather well...Just watch out, kuz, they scream real loud! And, man do they ever bleed (makes a big mess). Oh, and I also don't advise having her suck you off, for they have a terrible habbit of spitting. So, unless you wana see a perfectly good load of jiz spit on the ground, just fuck the little bitch.

5. Girls younger than 6

Decription:little tikes

Where to find:At the daycare

Why:Because you are a sick fuck who should be killed.

How:Ok, some things are just wrong...and this is one of them! (if you try this, you are a total dick, and should go to prison imidiatly)

6. Old ladies

Decription:They play lots of bingo, and have wrinkles

Where to find:The old folks club

Why:You can overpower them pretty easy

How:Danm, you must be ugly. Just knock on her door, and when she answers, force her inside, and raper her...how stupid are you?

7. The dead

Decription:Dead, smelly, cold, rotting

Where to find:The cemetary works well, but those tend not to be fresh (you don't wana fuck a badly rotting corpse do you?), or the better option, the local morgue.

Why:They never complain

How:God, you must realy be a worthless piece of shit to have to do this! Either dig her up, or get into the moruge, and have yer way with her.

So, in closeing, I would just like to say, I don't suggest most of these things. Most are just a bad idea (you sick fucker for reading this far). Especaly the dead people...do you realize how many wierd diseses you can get from fucking a dead body that has been rotting...growing wierd germs on it for a couple weeks/months/years?

Also, don't try this at home.

EOF