Ok, so what's up with this?

A very large percent of the girls I know, or know of are attracted to guys that are jerks. Why is this? Is thier some deep wish to be torn down? Somehow I doubt this, but cannot fathom another answer.

So nice they seem, so level headed, but when you examine thier choice in boyfriends, you have to think twice about all of your previous thoughts.

Ok, lets look at it from my point of view for a minuite. I'm a guy, and don't have a girlfriend...why you ask? Well, the answer is simple, I look for certen qualitys in a mate...not that often do I meet someone with those qualitys, so, rarely am I in a relationship. And, to make matters worse, most of the girls I know who I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with are currently going out with jerks. Now, I don't mean that for all of them, no (that would be a sterotype). But most of them are going otu with JERKS. Not the normal, he's kina a dick jerks, but huge jerks.

Case study:My parents foren exchange student

She's 16, about to turn 17, quite attractive, smart, and can actualy cary on a conversation for extened periods of time. Now, you would think that she would be at least a little choosy about who she goes out with? NAH! This is amerikkka...She has to go out with the *COOLEST* guy in school. Note that this said guy is a total dick. I only tolerate him, because I make money off of some of his habbits, but other than that, I'd assume kill him as look at him. He's not fathfull, honorable, or even a nice guy. I don't know what the girl sees in him. It's rather sickning. She knows he plays around on her, but she still goes back, every time. I remember one night, I stoped by to say hi, and she was complaning about this (was the first time she knew about), she was actualy crying. But, the next day, the where out again...WTF!!!!!! I mean, is thier some sort of twisted logic that I just don't get? When you add up all the benifits, and subtract the losses in a relationship like this, you will most deffinitly come out with a negitive number.(1) That means to get out of the relationship! Ok, at this point, I can tell that I suck at writing case studys. But it might actualy help somebody, or make them think about what they are doing.

A bit more to add to this study. Recently, she has found out that the guy she is with has a bit of a violent streak (well, more than a bit, the whole taco actualy). But she cried over it, and then after a day or so, was back in his arms again. Also, I am led to the suspicion that she is sexualy active with this 'boy'. Asside from the fact that a 16 year old realy shouldn't be doing this sort of thing in general, especaly in this case. I can just picture it now, she gets pregnent, then deported (because the .gov does stuff like that), then a bit of time goes on, and she has a child that she didn't want...After than, her parents are the ones who actualy get to deal with it...Not a pretty picture.

Also, I gained some insite on this topic from discussing it with my mom (3) She noted that most girls are trained to take abuse, almost to the point that they expect it, or look for it in a relationship. She doesn't understand this at all, but as it stands now, is in a relationship like that (not actualy as bad as you might think, but a lot of mind games(It's pretty weird(I should know, I usto live there!))). But, back on topic, she was going on about how this is taught to them subversivly from the time they can talk. Rather sick in my opinion, and hers. I know I'm going to have some wierd kids by normal standards (because I don't plan on doing this, and if anybody catches me doing it, please tell me!).

I had *delphi, who happens to be a good female friend of mine read what I had done so far, and she came to the conclusion that, for the most part, I am probably right about the training bit. But she also noted that a big part of it seems to also be a self-esteam issue. So they go out with the first jerks that show any interest. And, then they stay with them, because they feel they deserve it, or something of the like (also noted, love may, or may not nessararly take part in the relationship). This whole thing confuses me a bit, but that is normal. Being male (At least having the parts), I know how self-esteam can take it's toll. But one must transend past that, and just be happy with one's self. No matter how outlandish that may be. Be happy for what you have, It's yours. I usto have a huge self-esteam problem, but now that I have realized that I am who I am, and nobody is going to change that, It's realy not an issue anymore. Maby I do look a bit silly at times, but It's all me! Sometimes I wander around in a big trench coat, or other times, in skimpy tight fitting outfits, If I worried about the self-esteam bit as much as others, I would not be able to do the latter. I rather enjoy it, It makes me feel good, allows me to express myself in a way that most people wouldn't. How many guys do you know that will tell the world that they like dressing up like girls? Not very many ;) Couse, by now I realize that I have taken this whole thing, and swewed it a bit, due to my normal ranting. I have a tendency to do this sort of thing, so if you want to just skip past this paragraph, feel free to, but it may yet hold some sort of insite. What sort I cannot fathom... But, from the male point of view, guys all spend thier time oogling the 'pretty' girls, and this probably pulls into the female self-esteam issue quite a bit, They are all looking for some playboy pinup in 3D. Too bad for them that they can't get it. Most of the girls who look like that in HS, or soon after tend to change a lot in later years. Most guys are looking for something that they can never have. They spend thier time looking in all the wrong places, and for all the wrong things. They tend to only look only twords outword apearences, not at the persons true self. They want to know what the girls breast size is more than her IQ. This is probably true for about 90% of the males. Hense my friend refered to boyfriends as "peices of meat". Totaly interchangable pieces of meat. Nothing more, nothing less. I agree that most guys are just pieces of meat, But, thier are some nice guys out there. They are the ones that don't go doging after every good looking girl in the place. They spend more time alone, due to thier own self-esteam problems. They just sit in the shadows and hope that someone will come along, and sweep them off thier feet one day. For the most part, they probaly die unmaried, unsatisfied, and most of all, lonely. They never think that girls have these problems also. The problem is, they never look at it from someone else's point of view. All they see, is through thier own eyes. When in a situation with a girl, they shouldn't be waiting for her to make the advance, for she may be waiting for the same thing. He should take her hand, and ask if it's ok. Someone has to be the first to take initive. Once that is done, the rest is easy, and can happen quite naturaly. Or, for the girls reading this, just do it the other way around, you see a guy that's actualy worth your time, not just your standard piece of meat, talk to him, make the advance, it may well be worth your time. For, once this is done, the self-esteam problems is less of an issue. Knowing that somebody cares, or loves you, makes your self-esteam go up. Gives you a reason to live, and makes you truely happy inside. The hardest part is breaking the ice.

Now, for the standard run of the mill, droped off from a factory normal guys, this is not so. They will take the inittive every time. Because, they know they can. They know they look good, and they know that you are unsure. They will give you a false sence of care, for thier own ends. Be it sexual, status, or whatever. This kind of people sicken me. They have few morals. Comonly will have a girlfriend, and then cheat, tell the origional girl, that he's sorry, and will never do it again, she belives him, and he does it again...the cycle continues. Again, the same problem occures, he does not think, or more accuretly, he only thinks of himself. Never throwing caution to the wind, to look at it from her point of view.

I just can't fathom why a girl would want a guy who's not fathfull, and not a very nice person to boot. I would expect them to be looking for gentelmen. never did understand why they want to sleep with the 'badest' guy in town...I assume this is all some sort of fantisy or something of the like, rather odd if you ask me.

Ok, so the problem has been layed out, but a solution has yet to be found. I have come up with a list of solutions...

1. Kill everyone (And, I mean everyone)
2. Masterbate (don't bother with a relationship)
3. Ignore the facts, and cary on living in the dark
4. one word "daterape"(2)
5. Become a monk (they don't have sex)
6. Just kill the jerks (see #1)

Ok, well, those won't solve the problem either, but it was worth a shot.

Couse, the actual solution is actualy quite simple. If you are having trouble with finding a girl/guy, don't just sit thier complaining, get out, and do something about it. And, this dosn't mean just going to bars/partys. Hang out in a park, eat out. Just have fun. Do those things you wanted to do, but never found the time. But, keep an eye open. Show intrest in what other people are doing. Be friendly (but no too much). But, most inportantly, be yourself. Also, Talk to people of the oposit sex. You may be suprized how nice they are.

Now when I write this, I don't mean to say I hate girls, by no means, but, they do confuse me to no end. Some of my best friends are female...makes for rather good balance, and diffrent points of view.

Also, in a lot of ways, I see this problem, because of the whole cool factor. I try to be a gentalman, Because this is what I am. But, this is not what most girls are looking for. Granted I do spend most of my time running around in a big black trench coat...but, so did inspector gadget (well, his wasn't black).

Ok, that's it for now...more later...questions/comments...xpurple@xpurple.com

I will be posting peoples reactions/comments to this shortly, if you want your opinion heard, leave me a comment.

(1)-Not to say that negitive numbers are bad in themselves though

(2)-This is a joke, granted not very funny, but is not serious (And, I know that daterape is actualy 2 words!)

(3)-Yes, I am actualy on very good relations with her

Specal thanks go to the people who have helpd me to get this theroy expanded uppon, and some of the many answers explained. Listed in no order whatsoever...

My Mother (no url), for her point of view on the matter
*delphi The oracle of delphi, for sharing her thoughts
Brightsun His page, for laughing
The foren exchange student, for being an unknowing case study
My little sister, for giving suggestins

Comments

Hi my name is sandy and when you say you don't know why some girls would want a guy who is unfaithfull and not a nice person, did you ever think that the girls are just as bad if not worse and they like guys like that. You make it sound like women are not bad at all but in my eyes they are terrible they don't care. Maybe they are just like the jerks they are seeing after all there are alot more nice guys out their than women.Don't be fooled.