Well, the name is a bit off from what the file is actualy about. So, if you expected some sort of military thing, or whatnot, you haven't found it, or if you wanted to know how to protect yourself after being set on fire by some passerby that happend to have been carying a flamethrower, you've come to the wrong place

If you want to see into my world a bit, you know, take a little peek, they you have come to the right place for that.

My day starts off pretty normal, get work up because of a tech support call, do that, go to my parents house, and have dinner, yadayadayada...You know the drill. Well, later I'm sitting on the internet, and a friend pops on.

A rather good friend, of all the people I know, she is one of the few people I actualy think of as a friend. Well, we begin chatting, pretty normal, we chat a decent ammount, well, not on a daily basis, but when we do chat, it can go on for hours. Well, it starts off in a way that isn't too odd, she notes that she is out of smokes, and needs some..and due to being under 18, can't just go to the store and buy some. We discuss this for a bit, and decide she's probably not going to be getting any tonnite.

Well, after that is all sorted out, I ask if anything else in life is worth discussing, and the answer in yes. In many ways, I don't feel that I should put specifics in her of what transpired, because this is a public medium avaliable to anybody and thier dog on the internet, but in some ways, I feel I should, being that it is my diary. Well, to louse specifics, she was kina raped, but not actualy. Thier comes a fine line of what rape actualy is. You can't rape the willing, though druging them up to make them willing is realy the same thing as beating them into submission, just a bit less violent.

Well, to make matters worse, because of this, she has entered into a relationship with this 'person', though the word doesn't quite fit. And, she asked me how to get out. Advice was given, discussion came by, and more advice was given. I pray that she takes my advice, for her sake if nothing else. I truely want her to be happy, but I also don't want her to get hurt. I want to see her fly, but it's hard. Sometimes, like now, I just don't know what to do.

It worrys me to no end. Keeps me up at night, causing me to louse sleep...at least I don't try to take on all the problems of the world...just of one little girl. But, that is enough problems for anybody.

I have debated many times talking to her parents about some of the things that have transpired. It has not been done though, because it realy won't solve anything, they are to stuck in thier own little world to realy know what's going on. And, I would after that point, have a good chance of not being able to help anymore. It would make me look like the badguy, so, I would louse what little power I have. But, mostly that I don't think it would help.

Ok, so it won't help to do that, what will help then? I must figure this out. What can I do? I'm more than a days travel away, not close enough to actualy watch, not close enough to step in if need be...what can I realy do?

Not much, but some. I can work in subtle ways. I can give advice, listen to her problems, suggest how to fix them, and so on. I have been doing this for quite some time now.

But, in a lot of ways, it seems to not be helping. I mean, it makes her feel better about things, but the problems still occur, and seem to worsen as time ticks by.

I have thought about contacting other members of the family, but they are in positions that are even less usefull than mine. I have talked to other people about this, but they have less idea of what to do than me, and I don't know much

In many ways, I would like to kill the aforementioned problem person, but that would realy not achive anything. It would cause a lot of problems, and I couln't do it anyway. I'm broke, I can't get there from here, without a great deal of trouble, and I could not just do something like that on a whim. Now, ther have been times in my past, where I would be able to, and that scares me. Scares me a lot. Actualy, if I felt I realy had to, I could do it right now. Could be out of the house in 5 min, and on the road...be at the destination in about 25 hours, and have the entire 'job' done in less that 35. But, that would involve a lot of trouble, and would probably land me in jail for murder/car theft/robery/and whatever I felt I needed to do to get there. But, it would not realy solve any problems.

Yes, I am insane, I know this. I freely admit that I'm a totaly insane maniac. But, this is where the diffrence lies...Since I admit it, I realize the fact. I can control my insane urges...Through all my years on this earth, self-control is one of the best lessons I've learned.

But, what to do about this. I have been racking my brain for quite a while about it. I still don't even have the foggyest idea.

At one point, I said, kina jokingly, but serious at the same time, that things like this make me wish I could just sweep her off her feet, and treat her right, unlike these other people. But, is that an option? Would that help? Would it cause more problems? Of this, I don't know. I realy have no clue. I care about her quite deeply, I care about her enough to let her choose what she wants to do, 'if you love something, set it free, if it comes back...' (you all should know this quite). What does it realy mean though?

A couple years ago, I noted some information to her, and she disapeared off the face of the earth for quite a while, about 1.5 years or so. Then, suddenly pops back up, as if nothing had happend. Is this what it means? I realy don't know. And, I'm not the type to make inportant desisions at the drop of a hat...though I may seem to in others views.

Hmm, I've reached about 6k or so by now.

And, I realy don't want to be the one to hurt her, I realy don't. Though, I on't realy know what to do. She commented that she may be on later tonnite, will talk more with her then.

EOF