The Delivery Drivers Handbook
                                  By:xpurple












	So, you are a delivery driver, or at least thinking about it.
It may sound like an easy job, you get your stuff, and you drop it off.
But it is one of the hardest jobs to do right that thier is.  A lot of
people depend on you.  You have to get your delivery where it needs to
go on time, and fresh.  Nobody likes cold food that is supposto be hot,
and visa versa.  When your making deliverys, nothing else matters.  You
are the only person in the world that matters at that time.  You and
your cargo.  I'll use pizza delivery as an example, primarly because
it is the most common type.  You get your pies, you take them to the
customes house, and then you get more.  All within 30 min or less.
It should never take more than 30 min to deliver a pie, never.  Being
a deliviry driver witch happens to be a god (due to comon sence),
you have the annaliable right to ignore stop signs, trafic lights,
and cut people off, nothing else matters.  When you get to the place
you are going, and thier are no parking spaces avaliable that are
a short distance from the entrance, you have full rights to park in
the street, sidewalks, grass, whatever.  It dosn't matter, the only
thing that matters is that the pie is piping hot when it is deliverd,
and it is done on time.  A cold pie at delivery time is a mark aganst
you, and your honer.  Never let it happen.  If your car breaks down,
you have the full rights to leave it sit, and take somebody elses,
all because, it's that inportant (I can't stress this point enough).
If thiers a traffic jam, jump your delivery car up on the sidewalk,
or grass, it dosn't matter.  Another note, you also can't be to
squemish about driving on grass, or sidewalks to do this job.

	 Shortcuts.  If at all possible take shortcuts.  Due to the
nature of suburbs nowadays, this may mean driving through peoples
yards, but don't worry about it.  In a standard suburb, thier is
one yard that prevents you from going straight through to the other
side of it.  Remember that yard, memorize it, and when you need to,
use it.  Just tear right through, and don't worry if people yell at
you.  They don't matter, they don't have a pie to deliver.

         Cops.  Police don't matter, they don't understand how much
pride you have in your job, they probably never will.  If one tries
to pull you over, let him chase you, let him try anyway.  Deal with
him when you have all your pies delivered, not until.  You are more
inportant than them.  At least while on duity, and with a delivery.



Remember,
	 A late pizza is worse than death.  You will never let it
happen, ever.  You are a Delivery driver, you are part of an elete
class, this honer is only bestowed upon the best of your breed.