+------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | xpurple.com presents... | | O / | | /------\ /------% ---- ** / O | | File # | | // \\ **** | | | \___ | | **** | | ___/ \\ | | ** | | __// | | | ** | | // // \\ // | | -------- ___// ---- ** | | +-----------------+ | | Deal with it! | +------------------------------------------------------+-----------------+
You must realize that I have now written two hundred and fifty files now. Not bad if I say so. Why do I do it though? Is it just some twisted desire that pushes me? Do I want to be like the cDc, and have lots of girls hanging off me day in and day out? Or, am I more like IBFT who just sqirms in thier own misery? It's realy hard to tell. What do you think? xpurple@xpurple.com.
In this file I'm going to cover a few topics, none of them very inportant...read on if you give a danm.
Inbreeds
Thier must be something in the air tonnite. The diner is full of white trash, what is it, white trash night out? The one day a month they all decide to be at this place? A group of them even had the gusto to take my table. Not a problem though. The dialog went something like this...
"Yo, inbreed retards who don't own a modem!"
"What the hell do you want?"
"This is my table, I would be quite happy if you left."
"You want a fist in the mouth?"
"Hehe, I 0wn you. Do you realy think you stand a chance?"
"Fucking little skinny geek, get out of my face"
"Don't make me..." Reaching into trench coat
"Shit, he's got a gun. Common mom, lets get out of here!"
Then I calmly bus the table, and prepare for a few hours of typeing pleasure.
The foregn exchange student
She's gone, and good riddence. She had a total lack of respect. Not to mention quite a slut. Fucking most any guy that she met. Myself excluded. I have no clue what else has been stuck in her various holes.
Her parents bought her a *new* car, so when she gets back to germany she can drive. A 2000 something or other. What's the point? She's just a spoiled little brat. I have no pitty for her.
The next table
Some paticularly moronic people are sitting at the next table. Why is it that white trash can't go more than a few minuits without saying the word 'fuck'? Quite often in the most inapropriate times. "Oh, fuck. I need some more fucking coffee". QED
They think they are the next best thing to sliced bread. Just because they have these fat girls they can fornicate with. They constantly stare off into space with thier mouthes gapeing open. The look of a deer in my headlights right before I turn it into hamburger.
How do these people survive? Do they pay thier rent with food stamps? Do they even bother to pay thier rent at all? Being a certified slumlord I know how this racket works.
Work
Things are going great, I love my job. The only bad part is dealing with stupid, stupid users. Quite often they are very funny though. One guy I talked to today had his mail server set to 'pop3', instead of what it should have been. He assured me that it's worked for the last year like this. I'm like "Sir, I can't fathom how it did work, but it will now".
These people, where do they come from? And, why do they have to buy computers? One of them was having a problem with our webmail service. The problem was just user error, so it was very hard for me to help her. She threatend to cancel her account. Hmm, some threat. You leave, another will come by in 20 min to sign up. I'm trying to help, but if that's how they feel...let them be somebody elses headache.
Home life
None.
I realy only go home to sleep. I haven't eaten there in quite some time now. Haven't seen any of my roomates in a while. It's pretty sad why the only communication with the people you live with is over the internet.
What's it realy matter though? Two hour commute every day takes away a large ammount of my free time. Not much to go home for anyway. Internet access at 14.4 just isn't the same as 5 T1 lines.
Butch chicks
A group of four very butch chicks just walked in. Or, I should restate that. Two of them are very butch, and the others are quite femine. No doubt lezbo lovers. God that's so useless. The entire purpose of sex is to procreate. Same sex relations will never cause offspring to occure. Thusly it's a pointless endevour.
It probably woulnd't be so bad if they all didn't look 12. Speaking of that I'm going to move on to the next subject.
Sex
Have plans on marying a virgin? Don't. You won't find any, not anymore. Thye have been hunted to extinction. Or, should I say all the ones of ages you shold be looking at have been. About the only place your going to find one now is in kindergarden. And, they it's still not a shure bet. Daddy has probably already beaten you to the pie.
Why even bother?
This is something I ponder on a very regular basis. Most of the population are just filler. People who just exist because it's somehow 'wrong' to kill them. Frankly the world would be a much better place without these lusers.
Too bad thought we have to deal with them on a daily basis. Well, you could get luckey. Live up in the mountans alone, and have no social contact at all. But then you know it's going to happen. Some dumb kid trecks up there to ask you the answers. You know the type, he will just keep pestering you till you tell him. And, you know he's not going to belive it. Fact of the matter, he just won't accept it. You will have to kill him. Lucky for you though you live in the mountans. Who's going to look for the body there? Just chuck it into some stream somewhere. Preferably one with a lot of flesh eating fish. Hmm, maby even something with a bit more flair. Use his cell phone (that's useless there) to slowly torture him. Remove the mobo, and slice off small body parts. Fingers, toes...whatever.
Hmm, maby that's not such a good idea after all...
Hastings, and Grand Island
Those who live there seem to be the most inbred retards I've even delt with. I'm suprized they can even turn thier computers on. Let alone surf the web. That's one thing that never ceaces to amaze me. They don't know how to use the mouse, yet they spend hours, uppon hours online. What do they do? Just stare at the screen hopeing something cool will happen? Maby hopeing some porn site will just 'magicly' load for thier wanking pleasure?
I dealt with one lady today from Hastings. She was like "Leme put my son on the phone, he's a computer wiz"
"Exelent mam"
"Hehehehehelo, I I I I'm tryrying to setsetup mymy comcomputper ttttto gggget on tttthe inetnetnet"
"Ok, I want you to close all the programs your running, so your just at the desktop"
"Whahat's that?"
"It's what you get when you close all your programs, and you see a bunch of icons on the screen"
From this point on, I'm going to exclude his major language barrior...
"Huh?"
"Click all the little X's that appear in the upper right hand corener of each window."
"Oh, why didn't you just tell me?"
"It's ok sir, don't worry about it" Hmm, this kid is about as bright as a pice of plastic rock.
"I got that done"
"Double Click on the 'my computer' icon in the upper lefthand corner of the screen"
"It drops a menu down, what should I do?"
"Double click"
"Ok, its open"
"Now, find a icon called 'dial up networking', and double click on it"
"Ok"
"You will find an icon called 'make new connection' inside there, double click on it"
"Uhh, I ain't got no icons, it's asking me if I want to create a new connection"
"That's fine, click next"
Then I procede to walk him through it, lots, and lots of hand holding. He got realy confused with the DNS servers. They are supposto look something like this.
+----------------+ |199.184.119. 1 | +----------------+ |199. 2.252. 10 | +----------------+
Instead he's doing this...
+----------------+ | 1. 9. 9. 1 | +----------------+ | 8. 4. 1. 1 | +----------------+
Then he gets all excited when her runs out of space to type. How hard is it to enter a DNS number? Espicaly when the dots are already there for them to use?
I've had several clients do this to me. If a person can't follow directions, why bother? Then comes up the whole basis of webmail. I tell people to use it after I've decided that they are too stupid to properly setup Outlook. This happens often enough.
I look at it as job security though. Morons breed like crazed wheazles. Never will they be in short supply. Or, at least any time soon.
The funny part, is that I almost never have to actualy look at a windows box to walk people through this stuff. After the first few calls it's realy just a script. They could listen to a recording and it would be about the same. Except a recording wouldn't be able to help them when they do something that's just plain stupid. Like the above mentioned case.
I also enjoy when I ask them what mail client they are useing, and get some off the wall answer. Or, even the quite common "I don't know". Gesh, don't these people know how to read?
Then we get to the ones who just start off with all thier problems. And they know for a fact that is realy our problem. Heh, After a few minuits I've deduced what the real problem is. All because they saved about 20$ and bought a winmodem. Heh, for an extra 20$, they could have gotten a real modem that would do a whole lot better for them.
Some of them when asked what type of modem they have respond, 'gateway'. Or something else that's just wrong. I asked one of them to Reboot her computer, and a few seconds later she said it looked the same when she turned it back on. I explained that she had rebooted the monitor. Told her to reboot the big boxy thing. She was like "Oh, you mean the modem!". Some people...gesh.
Of course we have guys who decide they want to give AOL a try. You know, just to see what its like. Thustly trashing thier systems for use with a *real* ISP like us. It makes me want to realy hurt them...
Microsoft isn't much better. By default, it *realy* wants you to use MSN. It's a bitch to convicne that you want to use somebody else for your connectivity.
At some point in time, at least a couple times a day somebody calls up due to either getting a virus, or hearing something about one and being all scared. It's very hard to explain proper informational hygene to somebody who doens't seem to understand that bathing more often than they happen to fall into a body of water doesn't help.
I just orded a large plate of fries. Low and behold the wait brings me not one, but two huge plates of the stuff. Not to mention the massive quanitys of manoyse. Hmm, manoyse only differing from vasoline in color.
1:00 am, and I have to work tommorow. Do I even bother with sleep?
Work is just so entertaining. Never does a boring day go by. Not to say that I don't get bored at times. But as soon as I realize that's happening...I find something to do. Ususaly productive. Even if it is just makeing HTML on a website actualy readable.
I recently changed over all refrences to inetnebr to inebraska on the lincoln online website. It took me a whole of about 30 min. Most of that time I was on the phone to somebody in hastings. Most of the information they give you doesn't realy apply to the problem at hand. But it would take even more time to explain that to them, so I just let them rattle thier jaw so I can pick out the inportant parts.
We have this one guy who calls up on a very regular basis. Basicly wanting us to teach him how to do all sorts of things. One day it's HTML, the next it's how to defrag his HD. Who knows what tommorow will bring? I try very hard to convice him that we do tech support for internet problems. We're not there to teach him the finate points of website design. If I wanted to do that, I'd charge 50$ an hour.
Once in a while out of sheer lack of any other calls to deal with, we give him a few pointers. Not that it realy helps. His code looks like shit (he uses FrontPage). Hehe, also he likes to use use realy long filenames, with lots of spaces. OH, and he never puts in a %20 to denote the spaces. Hmm, will he ever et a clue?
Another client calls in every couple days because her mailbox is corrupt. I still can't fathom what horrable, sick, and twisted things she does to her mailbox to corrupt it. She's like the only person who every realy has a problem with this. That's not to say that other users don't ever call in with this problem, but the others ususaly only do it once, or maby twice. Apparently she has nothing better to do with her time than molest her mailbox, and force us to fix it. Gesh.
Some people come in here for the sole purpose to loiter, and not make any purchaces. Idiots, they are the bane of places like this. I make a point to buy something, no matter how broke I am. If I'm using a table, and thier power...I better buy something. It's my duity as a customer. I kina think of it as rent of sorts.
Just as a note of intrest. Never, ever let a soddering iron sit on your hand for an extended period of time. The burns have a tendency to leave permanint scarring. Trust me, I know from experince. Heh, but if you do it right you will sever all the nerves before you even notice the pain.
Yes, I just spent the last 20 min or so doing the ASCII graphic at the top of this file. Does that say something about me? Or, is is it just cool? Such a lost art you know. I'd do it in color, with high ASCII charecters, but then you wouldn't be able to see it. Where did all the good ANSI terminal emulators go? Am I the only guy left in the world who can properly see true ANSI graphics? Hmm, makes a person wonder.
I miss those days, when lusers didn't own computers. When they didn't bother me nearly as much. Now everybody and thier brother has one for some demented reason or another. Did they use food stamps to buy them?
Maby I'd have a diffrent opinon if my world didn't revolve around an 80x25 textual world. Real men use a command line ;) Hehe, I wonder how that would work as a pickup line?
"Hey babe, I use a platform that was desinged in the 70's. When they knew how to make a good command line."
"Go away you freak!"
That's probably the way it would go...sadly enough.
Due to having to work in the morning, I should probably take off...hehe, it is 2:00am, and I still have an hour drive ahead of me...slater.
EOF